Overcoming Your Inner Critic For Good

You know the feeling: dreaded epic sadness that washes over your whole body, pulling you into a shame spiral that inevitably drives you to complete isolation or destructive behavior. This is the nagging voice that keeps you playing small in life. It is the unwelcome murmur that’s telling you you’re not good enough, she did it better or you don’t deserve that. 

Putting childhood correlation aside, the inner critic bully is real in our lives, so why doesn’t anyone talk about how to handle her? Well, darling, I am here to inspire you by doing just that. 

Based on biased judgement and feeding off fear and guilt, the bully is completely ego driven. The bully shows up, guns blazing, as people pleasing, comparisonitis and limiting beliefs, telling you that you’re fat or you didn’t do a good job. It’s a low vibration energy and it is rampant in our society today.

What if I could tell you a trick that helps you combat this bully in real time, allowing more possibility and success to come through you, in a way that is aligned with your natural abilities as a woman? Would you like that? Don’t skip to the end, stay with me.

It’s a psychological fact that we actually choose all of our own thoughts, emotions, mindset and beliefs - and in that order. Some of the most common issues we face in America are the busyness trap, the overconsumption and the numbing distractions that we all succumb to at some point. This kind of lifestyle puts us on autopilot, easily allowing our actions to be guided by the first thing we see or hear. In other words, it keeps us in our ego and out of our body. When we we let ourselves go on autopilot, as humans, we will naturally choose to feed and follow the fear as a perceived safety mechanism of protection. 

To overcome this bully, we need to become conscious enough to direct our energy, choosing faith over fear, acknowledging our concerns by getting crystal clear and not accepting things just the way they are. If you are on board for that statement, you are ready to overcome the bully!

This is really about how we can believe or trust in our capabilities to handle, accomplish or be what we want and feel SAFE. The bully keeps you stuck in that low vibration as I mentioned earlier, so the answer then is to somehow move that vibration up. Luckily, we, as women, have natural talents in the form of what I call feminine power principles such as nurturing, receptivity, flow, playfulness, surrender, intuition, love and more importantly, compassion. These help up harness our courage and power in the most easy and authentic way. When we are able to tap into compassion for ourselves and for our little girl who still lives inside us and just didn’t know better, as well as remember we absolutely did the best we can, we have opened up space to forgive, which opens up a whole plethora of high vibe opportunities. 

I believe compassion cures everything.

It’s important to add that this process of handling our inner critic is also not about ignoring the bully, cutting them off or denying them, but by acknowledgement and shining light for healing to be available. 

In order to choose compassion, we still have to be moved into this action. What I know is that the only thing that truly motivates people through pain and pleasure are their values. Values are the single most important part of success and happiness, in my opinion, and an integral part of handling the bully. We may want to choose compassion but we can still be fearful at the same time. Usually any conflict, concern or critical voice means our needs and values are not being met or experienced. Getting to know your values will help you know where to lead your voice, thoughts, beliefs and actions. 

As an example, if a woman named Kate greatly valued freedom and her bully was saying “you are never going to make it in your career. You’ll always be stuck in this dead end job”, chances are she is just scared as hell that she’ll never have that joy to express how she wants to in her work. Maybe she doesn’t believe she can achieve financial abundance or have what it takes to find a better job. The core of her desire is that she craves freedom. This inner critic bully is showing up to remind her that it seems absent in her life at the moment and the only way to get it is to try something new, something she has never tried to do before. That fear stems from uncertainty, which can be paralyzing, yes, but totally capable of dissolving when she can get her sense of freedom in some way. She could go to the beach at lunch or spontaneously go on a girls getaway or start a freedom gratitude journal - all to enliven her sense of freedom that exists in her life now. From THIS place, the inner critic has nothing to say. The bully now knows it’s possible.

So, my point here is that the bully is here to protect you because you somehow think you can’t easily have what you want, but you now know better. The way to silence your inner critic for good is to own your values, take imperfect action that feels right, ideally using your feminine nature through compassion and open up your perspective to assure yourself that you are capable and deserving. 

The next time you notice this bully pop up in your life, I encourage you to ask yourself this question: How can you use your feminine power to calm the critic and create the confidence to experience what you value most in the moment?

YOUR TURN! 

I'd also love to you from you NOW, what is YOUR inner critic saying to you? 

Cultivating SAFETY So You Can Feel Powerful

Happy 4th of July!!!!

I am vibing high this past week and super amped up about what is to come during the rest of my year. WEEEE!! So, of course, as the embodied Muse goddess, I am here to inspire you from this place of joy!  (+ special invitation for you below)

Part of the in-flow, in-sync and in-alignment feelings I've been having are also contributed to the Mars retrograde that just ended, and Mars is now direct! Mars, who rules Tuesdays, is in charge of all things action oriented and masculine-type energy. So, lots of newfound energy should be surfacing!

What I've noticed this week is that my integration of the masculine and feminine energies, what I teach, has truly evolved and deepened over the past year. It's beautiful to look back on and see the evolution. I saw where I kept falling short, where I always leaned back into old patterns and where I didn't allow myself to shine. Now I see myself embracing the doing again because I know how to balance. Notice I didn't say I am always balanced, I said I know how to balance. What a different, amiright? 

Part of that balance and the evolution that I, as well as many of my fellow sisters and colleagues have experienced, is the cultivation of safety. 

You see, our dedication to doing is an imbalance when we are chasing the award or the badge of honor (which could in some cases BE all the doing to get there). But when our doing, the action steps, are in alignment with our truth, in service to our future, in balance with our feminine power and feels EXCITING, it's integrated and it makes us whole. But I also understand that getting to the place of the latter can be confusing, which is where safety comes in again. 

When we are focusing + relying on things outside ourselves (the busy schedule, blaming other people for our problems, all the bad stuff that happens to us or the job description), there is no way we can feel safe. When we don't feel safe, we cannot be vulnerable nor do we want to practice new habits (because they are too scary). When we feel safe, we allow ourselves to be seen, we can SHINE, we can lead, we can do things we never thought we could! We can create something new. That is power. 

Watch my recent video on cultivating safety so you can have that power you dream of. I also talk about why your inner REBEL shows up and what to do about it. 

YOUR TURN! 

Please share what you loved about this information and what it has inspired you to do.

How to Increase The Pleasure in Your Life

Let’s continue with the inner Queen theme from the past few weeks, as I’m focusing on this in my own life and in the sisterhood group I lead. One of the biggest aspects of a Queen’s life is pleasure. Everything she does is revolved around it from the most lavish ceremony like a coronation to the most mundane ritual like bathing. It is through connecting to this way of being that we can begin to remember one of our biggest superpowers as women, the ability to feel. 

What do you think of when you think of pleasure? I know what you’re thinking and it’s much more than sexual.

Pleasure, to me, is simply pleasing the senses. Pleasure is luxury, when something is so beautiful that you can’t help but cherish it. Pleasure is the quality of life you experience in so many ways. Whatever lights you up and makes you feel good on any level is pleasure. 
 

When we start to experience more pleasure in our life, we actually become more relaxed, powerful, in flow, aligned, magnetic, confident, worthy, capable and deserving because our nervous system comes into balance. Your life will become way more meaningful and exciting when you indulge in pleasure often. This is the basis of self care! 
 

Pleasure can be found anywhere and at any time, not just in the bedroom. What I see most often, though, through myself and my clients, is we often forget we have access to pleasure, that we may not deserve pleasure or that we are only looking for extravagant ways to have it. Intellectually, we may know this is not true and that we totally deserve all of this. However, it’s quite another thing to embody this belief and truly cultivate pleasure often. 
 

Pleasure only exists in the present

So, get out of the future, stop worrying, forget about the past and bring yourself back into the now! The way to start embodying it is simply to choose pleasure in every moment instead of waiting for it to happen to you. 

Still not sure how to experience pleasure in every moment? I get it, sometimes it’s easier said than done coming into the present moment. That’s why I want to share one really simple technique to give you a way to playfully bring yourself into the present.

Seduce your senses

Become aware of all of your senses and how you can experience these gifts even more. Sometimes we are so numb to our senses or even take them for granted, am I right? So let this be a reminder for you to get back into the swing of your senses so you can make your life WAY more enjoyable! Here is a way for you to tap into more pleasure in your life:

☞  Make a list of all that you enjoy with your senses. Ask yourself these questions in your journal:

• What do I LOVE to feel?
• What do I LOVE to see?
• What do I LOVE to hear?
• What do I LOVE to taste?
• What do I LOVE to smell?

Then, make it happen! Look for ways to bring your specific examples into your life or even recognize that they exist already. 

YOUR TURN! 

What will you start to indulge in more of?  Email me back!

The Missing Link in Goal Setting + 4-Step Cure

Ever set big goals, plan meticulously and do the work but never quite get there? Ever have big dreams to be a certain way but never seem to experience it? Or perhaps you reach your goals, but not with much grace and you’re always left burnt out? Maybe you accomplish something, but the feeling is fleeting, like nothing ever really gets that much better? 

As a former workaholic, I remember pushing through every single day to get things done and accomplish my goals. Sometimes, I would reach them and just feel like “meh…what now?”  Or I felt like there was actually more to do. Most of the time, though, I didn’t reach my big goals or dreams. I fell short and beat myself up about it, thinking I needed to do more or that I needed to be better at the task at hand.

Then this led me to not setting goals anymore, because I just didn’t believe in myself, which perpetuated my negative feelings. This caused me to be lazy, apathetic and most commonly, extra-busy, so I could distract myself from these feelings. It was like I was either at one end of the spectrum or the other with no sense of confidence. 

Can you relate?

What was happening was I was out of balance with my power.

I felt inherently not good enough, trapped in shame and inadequacy. The only thing I knew how to do was work hard, so I kept going back to how society trained me in the pursuit of perfection. All of my focus was on outside tasks, deadlines, obligations and activities.

If we are in constant state of pushing through, working, producing and action mode, we most likely won’t achieve our goals, and if we do, it won’t be sustainable. The reason for this is because we are only using one side of ourselves, the mind. It’s also over-using the masculine-type qualities within us that will inevitably burn us out. The focus is too much on things outside of ourselves, thinking we can control them, but the reality is we can only control ourselves. 

We all have masculine and feminine qualities within each of us. They serve us when there is a balance between the two. When we are too much in our masculine, there is only doing which causes depletion. When we are only in our feminine, there is only being and nothing will get done. 

The missing piece in this puzzle is being more. Being who we would be after we have reached that goal and harnessing the feminine essence within us. By exploring, nurturing ourselves, playing, processing, relaxing and rejuvenating along with all the work we are doing. This gives us the space to integrate, feel more and let our body lead the way. 

The missing link is embodiment. 

Embodiment to me means the infusion of our beliefs or desires in our body or actions. It’s the union of our soul and body. It is the manifestation of our curiosities and who we are at our core. It means it’s in our bones, our being and our routines. It means it’s second nature and we can access it immediately. 

Goals are simply what we desire to experience in the future, so incorporating our bodies in planning for them is just as crucial as what we do with our mind to get there. Usually what we’re embodied in is what we value most. Our goals are the map to what we NEED to embody or grow in. In order for this to happen, we have to work with both the feminine and masculine aspects of ourselves. 

These days, I live an embodied life by devoting myself to what’s important to me, which always produces results beyond my imagination. This means I do everything I can with what I have, consistently, in honor of my desires and my values. I allow myself to feel and rest just as much as I take action. 

If you are feeling inadequate, stuck, exhausted or burned out with big ambition, here are my suggested 4 steps to becoming embodied:

1. Set your schedule. 
I’m sure you don’t have an issue scheduling your tasks, but make sure to set aside time for spacious flow, relaxing, playing and just being. I find that loose structure works better than rigid rules, so make sure what you plan out is doable for you. 

2. Get support. 
Often, we are so blinded by our ways and perceptions about ourselves that we don’t see how far we have come or how amazing we are. We need the reflections, validation and encouragement of others to increase our confidence and see ourselves from a different perspective. Motivation often follows being simply witnessed.

3. Practice. 
Use every conversation as a way to practice listening and speaking. Use every new week as an opportunity to balance out your actions with rest. Use every day to keep doing that which you desire by practicing both being and doing, especially when it’s uncomfortable. 

4. Be compassionate. 
The journey to embodiment isn’t necessarily an easy one. Know you are doing the best you can and that any roadblocks that pop up are only detours to your destiny. When we are able to think, speak and act with compassion and non-judgment, our vibration rises and we can access more parts of ourselves that have the answers we’re looking for. When we raise our vibration, we naturally attract the opportunities, love, support and willpower that we need.

I know if you are reading this, you’re here to do great things. Cheers to being a powerful, embodied human being. 

YOUR TURN! Tell me in the comments below what you would like to embody.

 

How I found my 2016 theme + how my birthday was a catalyst to happiness

One night over the holidays, I found myself sobbing in my bedroom, alone and distraught. I felt isolated and disconnected, but this time, for once in my life, not because of my intentions to be that. I totally pulled the victim card by wallowing in the fact that I wasn’t where I wanted to be in this new city of mine at the end of 2015. Friends weren’t abundant, even though I do know many people here.  Family wasn’t here with us to celebrate the holidays, even though my husband and I requested romantic time by ourselves. My clients were all busy and away with their own families, even though I was still working. The future of my business was blurry, even though I had clearly laid out plans and commitments. My health was getting the back seat in favor of holiday temptations, even with how much I care about flow in the body. I haven’t met with my personal sister circle of support in months, even though there were chances to do so. I just felt completely alone. I threw a tantrum with myself, proclaiming how angry I was that I was feeling this way during my most favorite month of the year. During my birthday month, at that, it was only a few days away. However, I knew there was no one to blame. 

Through the tears, I felt her. My sweet, gentle, higher self, that Wise Woman within me who was caressing my back and holding me as the mess I was. I needed to be heard and felt and honored and acknowledged, and she was there with me as I briefly stepped back into my old patterns. The one difference was that I had complete awareness around it through the whole tantrum. I knew I was being messy, victim-y and headed down the road that wasn’t my destiny. This is how I knew that the last remnants of these were healing in me. This is how I could feel and access that gentle Wise Woman that is ever present. She knows that I needed to release and feel my desires even more to step into that powerful creator energy I wanted to be in. I had to once again feel the pain of possibility that I am unloved or don’t belong, our deepest human needs, in order realize that the greatest love I want is within me. This is what creates my reality from the inside out. 

As I wallowed to myself in my bedroom that day, looking around at how blessed I was and simultaneously grateful for my life as I was distressed about it, I asked myself “what the hell do I want then?!”

It was in that moment that I realized what my theme for 2016 was going to be: connection. 
 

I wanted to be constantly surrounded by people I love and admire, to be honored and recognized for who I am and to be inspired by the diversity of souls on an everyday basis - just like I had experienced in my mastermind this past year. My goals and ambitions (which are usually high to begin with, I’m a Capricorn you see) were out of alignment with who I was being, which is why they felt so far away. Another realization I had was that I was three or four steps ahead, instead of focusing on the present, the step that can move me closer to all that I wanted to accomplish and experience. This is ironic because I teach my clients this same concept, but we teach what we need to master, right? 

I know we are always evolving into our greatness by letting go of what’s simply “good”. I felt like the holiday season was, for me, a gateway into my next level of living as a sovereign woman, business owner and mentor. I know there is always a silver lining and that I am supported beyond measure. I know the powerful keys to magnetizing everything I ever want with ease. Still, I am human. The one difference that I believe sets apart Pro’s from Amateurs is the ability to pull ourself out of challenging situations with grace. This was my chance to actively use the tools that I know to pull myself out and into my greatness.

And so, with one day left to my birthday which was on Christmas eve, I did just that. I reached out for support, I set and clarified intentions, I expressed myself fully to release any old, sticky energy and I rested. I was NOT going to feel like that on my birthday and I went into full release mode. I let go of figuring out why I was feeling like this or over analyzing how I could ‘get my life back on track’ which sounds so extreme and silly saying that thought now. Come to find out a few days later there was cosmic energy that was on point with what I was going through. 

Great as that was to hear, I truly see the significance of all of this happening right before I entered into a new birth year, before the birth of a new calendar year and before the birth of my first group program. There are no coincidences and no shortcuts. The only way out is through.

To my surprise, my birthday was a HUGE success! I did absolutely nothing and stayed at home, but I received countless birthday wishes, texts, photos, voicemails and love. I felt amazing, loved, honored, recognized, special and important. 

At the end of the day, I had an a-ha moment. I wondered why birthdays are so great and fulfilling, besides the whole presents thing, and especially when one does nothing for the entire day. How can it be that I feel so good and connected just by the communication I was having with my loved ones? 

Because I was completely open to receiving. 
 

I went into the day completely relaxed, knowing I had no obligations and my only job was to receive. Ah, yes. The power of the feminine that we so often forget in today’s society. My biggest life lesson, as is for so many women these days. Already, at 33, I’ve done so much inner work around feminine principles and receiving, knowing the magnitude that my magnificence holds, and yet…there is always room for growth and healing. 

I share this with you to remind you beautiful souls that it is ALWAYS your job to focus on receiving over anything, and in order to fully receive, you need to be relaxed and open enough to do so. From this place, cheesy as it sounds, you will experience everything you ever wanted. From this place, everything is literally possible. Only from this place will wisdom be shown to you, my darling. Only with this level of living will you be able to have the freedom that you really want. Start now by focusing on how you can get more relaxed and open.

EXERCISE: Look back to your best birthday ever…focus on you, not anyone else or what anyone else did. How relaxed were you? How open were you? How much capacity did you have to receive, from yourself and from others? What was different about YOU that day than the others? What did you do or think differently? Take this reflection into your life right now to start calling in what you want to manifest in the most natural way you can, simply by your being. 

All of my ambitions, goals, dreams that I thought weren’t my reality on that day in my bedroom, simply were revealed to me when I understood that connection is what I craved the most, and that I had it at my fingertips. Connection was the first step. 

Here is what Connection looks like for me this year. 

• consistent connection with my self, caring for my body and mind daily, weekly and monthly by making time for my needs no matter what.
• consistent connection with my husband and family, honoring their needs more and expressing mine more clearly.
• consistent connection with my friends, virtual and in person by actively seeking out new activities and communities to get involved with. 
• consistent connection with my tribe, my business, my clients and my communities that I’m creating by showing up more fully and often.
• being in community with like-minded souls in different capacities of both business and personal all over the country.
• calling people instead of texting or emailing them.
• responding to people instead of assuming they know that I heard them.
• reaching out for help and support more often when I feel low resourced.
• offering my support and resources more to my clients, family, friends and community.
• branching out of my comfort zone into new experiences that are scary but exciting. 
• making travel a priority this year so I can see friends and enjoy life more on a consistent basis.
• connecting to my style again with a ‘fitted and funky’ focus this year.
• connecting my business and my brand together to create a revolutionary experience both online and off.
• speaking at and hosting events and workshops often.
• more to be revealed to me each minute….

I really want to know…What is YOUR theme for 2016?

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