The Missing Link in Goal Setting + 4-Step Cure

Ever set big goals, plan meticulously and do the work but never quite get there? Ever have big dreams to be a certain way but never seem to experience it? Or perhaps you reach your goals, but not with much grace and you’re always left burnt out? Maybe you accomplish something, but the feeling is fleeting, like nothing ever really gets that much better? 

As a former workaholic, I remember pushing through every single day to get things done and accomplish my goals. Sometimes, I would reach them and just feel like “meh…what now?”  Or I felt like there was actually more to do. Most of the time, though, I didn’t reach my big goals or dreams. I fell short and beat myself up about it, thinking I needed to do more or that I needed to be better at the task at hand.

Then this led me to not setting goals anymore, because I just didn’t believe in myself, which perpetuated my negative feelings. This caused me to be lazy, apathetic and most commonly, extra-busy, so I could distract myself from these feelings. It was like I was either at one end of the spectrum or the other with no sense of confidence. 

Can you relate?

What was happening was I was out of balance with my power.

I felt inherently not good enough, trapped in shame and inadequacy. The only thing I knew how to do was work hard, so I kept going back to how society trained me in the pursuit of perfection. All of my focus was on outside tasks, deadlines, obligations and activities.

If we are in constant state of pushing through, working, producing and action mode, we most likely won’t achieve our goals, and if we do, it won’t be sustainable. The reason for this is because we are only using one side of ourselves, the mind. It’s also over-using the masculine-type qualities within us that will inevitably burn us out. The focus is too much on things outside of ourselves, thinking we can control them, but the reality is we can only control ourselves. 

We all have masculine and feminine qualities within each of us. They serve us when there is a balance between the two. When we are too much in our masculine, there is only doing which causes depletion. When we are only in our feminine, there is only being and nothing will get done. 

The missing piece in this puzzle is being more. Being who we would be after we have reached that goal and harnessing the feminine essence within us. By exploring, nurturing ourselves, playing, processing, relaxing and rejuvenating along with all the work we are doing. This gives us the space to integrate, feel more and let our body lead the way. 

The missing link is embodiment. 

Embodiment to me means the infusion of our beliefs or desires in our body or actions. It’s the union of our soul and body. It is the manifestation of our curiosities and who we are at our core. It means it’s in our bones, our being and our routines. It means it’s second nature and we can access it immediately. 

Goals are simply what we desire to experience in the future, so incorporating our bodies in planning for them is just as crucial as what we do with our mind to get there. Usually what we’re embodied in is what we value most. Our goals are the map to what we NEED to embody or grow in. In order for this to happen, we have to work with both the feminine and masculine aspects of ourselves. 

These days, I live an embodied life by devoting myself to what’s important to me, which always produces results beyond my imagination. This means I do everything I can with what I have, consistently, in honor of my desires and my values. I allow myself to feel and rest just as much as I take action. 

If you are feeling inadequate, stuck, exhausted or burned out with big ambition, here are my suggested 4 steps to becoming embodied:

1. Set your schedule. 
I’m sure you don’t have an issue scheduling your tasks, but make sure to set aside time for spacious flow, relaxing, playing and just being. I find that loose structure works better than rigid rules, so make sure what you plan out is doable for you. 

2. Get support. 
Often, we are so blinded by our ways and perceptions about ourselves that we don’t see how far we have come or how amazing we are. We need the reflections, validation and encouragement of others to increase our confidence and see ourselves from a different perspective. Motivation often follows being simply witnessed.

3. Practice. 
Use every conversation as a way to practice listening and speaking. Use every new week as an opportunity to balance out your actions with rest. Use every day to keep doing that which you desire by practicing both being and doing, especially when it’s uncomfortable. 

4. Be compassionate. 
The journey to embodiment isn’t necessarily an easy one. Know you are doing the best you can and that any roadblocks that pop up are only detours to your destiny. When we are able to think, speak and act with compassion and non-judgment, our vibration rises and we can access more parts of ourselves that have the answers we’re looking for. When we raise our vibration, we naturally attract the opportunities, love, support and willpower that we need.

I know if you are reading this, you’re here to do great things. Cheers to being a powerful, embodied human being. 

YOUR TURN! Tell me in the comments below what you would like to embody.

 

How I found my 2016 theme + how my birthday was a catalyst to happiness

One night over the holidays, I found myself sobbing in my bedroom, alone and distraught. I felt isolated and disconnected, but this time, for once in my life, not because of my intentions to be that. I totally pulled the victim card by wallowing in the fact that I wasn’t where I wanted to be in this new city of mine at the end of 2015. Friends weren’t abundant, even though I do know many people here.  Family wasn’t here with us to celebrate the holidays, even though my husband and I requested romantic time by ourselves. My clients were all busy and away with their own families, even though I was still working. The future of my business was blurry, even though I had clearly laid out plans and commitments. My health was getting the back seat in favor of holiday temptations, even with how much I care about flow in the body. I haven’t met with my personal sister circle of support in months, even though there were chances to do so. I just felt completely alone. I threw a tantrum with myself, proclaiming how angry I was that I was feeling this way during my most favorite month of the year. During my birthday month, at that, it was only a few days away. However, I knew there was no one to blame. 

Through the tears, I felt her. My sweet, gentle, higher self, that Wise Woman within me who was caressing my back and holding me as the mess I was. I needed to be heard and felt and honored and acknowledged, and she was there with me as I briefly stepped back into my old patterns. The one difference was that I had complete awareness around it through the whole tantrum. I knew I was being messy, victim-y and headed down the road that wasn’t my destiny. This is how I knew that the last remnants of these were healing in me. This is how I could feel and access that gentle Wise Woman that is ever present. She knows that I needed to release and feel my desires even more to step into that powerful creator energy I wanted to be in. I had to once again feel the pain of possibility that I am unloved or don’t belong, our deepest human needs, in order realize that the greatest love I want is within me. This is what creates my reality from the inside out. 

As I wallowed to myself in my bedroom that day, looking around at how blessed I was and simultaneously grateful for my life as I was distressed about it, I asked myself “what the hell do I want then?!”

It was in that moment that I realized what my theme for 2016 was going to be: connection. 
 

I wanted to be constantly surrounded by people I love and admire, to be honored and recognized for who I am and to be inspired by the diversity of souls on an everyday basis - just like I had experienced in my mastermind this past year. My goals and ambitions (which are usually high to begin with, I’m a Capricorn you see) were out of alignment with who I was being, which is why they felt so far away. Another realization I had was that I was three or four steps ahead, instead of focusing on the present, the step that can move me closer to all that I wanted to accomplish and experience. This is ironic because I teach my clients this same concept, but we teach what we need to master, right? 

I know we are always evolving into our greatness by letting go of what’s simply “good”. I felt like the holiday season was, for me, a gateway into my next level of living as a sovereign woman, business owner and mentor. I know there is always a silver lining and that I am supported beyond measure. I know the powerful keys to magnetizing everything I ever want with ease. Still, I am human. The one difference that I believe sets apart Pro’s from Amateurs is the ability to pull ourself out of challenging situations with grace. This was my chance to actively use the tools that I know to pull myself out and into my greatness.

And so, with one day left to my birthday which was on Christmas eve, I did just that. I reached out for support, I set and clarified intentions, I expressed myself fully to release any old, sticky energy and I rested. I was NOT going to feel like that on my birthday and I went into full release mode. I let go of figuring out why I was feeling like this or over analyzing how I could ‘get my life back on track’ which sounds so extreme and silly saying that thought now. Come to find out a few days later there was cosmic energy that was on point with what I was going through. 

Great as that was to hear, I truly see the significance of all of this happening right before I entered into a new birth year, before the birth of a new calendar year and before the birth of my first group program. There are no coincidences and no shortcuts. The only way out is through.

To my surprise, my birthday was a HUGE success! I did absolutely nothing and stayed at home, but I received countless birthday wishes, texts, photos, voicemails and love. I felt amazing, loved, honored, recognized, special and important. 

At the end of the day, I had an a-ha moment. I wondered why birthdays are so great and fulfilling, besides the whole presents thing, and especially when one does nothing for the entire day. How can it be that I feel so good and connected just by the communication I was having with my loved ones? 

Because I was completely open to receiving. 
 

I went into the day completely relaxed, knowing I had no obligations and my only job was to receive. Ah, yes. The power of the feminine that we so often forget in today’s society. My biggest life lesson, as is for so many women these days. Already, at 33, I’ve done so much inner work around feminine principles and receiving, knowing the magnitude that my magnificence holds, and yet…there is always room for growth and healing. 

I share this with you to remind you beautiful souls that it is ALWAYS your job to focus on receiving over anything, and in order to fully receive, you need to be relaxed and open enough to do so. From this place, cheesy as it sounds, you will experience everything you ever wanted. From this place, everything is literally possible. Only from this place will wisdom be shown to you, my darling. Only with this level of living will you be able to have the freedom that you really want. Start now by focusing on how you can get more relaxed and open.

EXERCISE: Look back to your best birthday ever…focus on you, not anyone else or what anyone else did. How relaxed were you? How open were you? How much capacity did you have to receive, from yourself and from others? What was different about YOU that day than the others? What did you do or think differently? Take this reflection into your life right now to start calling in what you want to manifest in the most natural way you can, simply by your being. 

All of my ambitions, goals, dreams that I thought weren’t my reality on that day in my bedroom, simply were revealed to me when I understood that connection is what I craved the most, and that I had it at my fingertips. Connection was the first step. 

Here is what Connection looks like for me this year. 

• consistent connection with my self, caring for my body and mind daily, weekly and monthly by making time for my needs no matter what.
• consistent connection with my husband and family, honoring their needs more and expressing mine more clearly.
• consistent connection with my friends, virtual and in person by actively seeking out new activities and communities to get involved with. 
• consistent connection with my tribe, my business, my clients and my communities that I’m creating by showing up more fully and often.
• being in community with like-minded souls in different capacities of both business and personal all over the country.
• calling people instead of texting or emailing them.
• responding to people instead of assuming they know that I heard them.
• reaching out for help and support more often when I feel low resourced.
• offering my support and resources more to my clients, family, friends and community.
• branching out of my comfort zone into new experiences that are scary but exciting. 
• making travel a priority this year so I can see friends and enjoy life more on a consistent basis.
• connecting to my style again with a ‘fitted and funky’ focus this year.
• connecting my business and my brand together to create a revolutionary experience both online and off.
• speaking at and hosting events and workshops often.
• more to be revealed to me each minute….

I really want to know…What is YOUR theme for 2016?

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