The Missing Link in Goal Setting + 4-Step Cure
Ever set big goals, plan meticulously and do the work but never quite get there? Ever have big dreams to be a certain way but never seem to experience it? Or perhaps you reach your goals, but not with much grace and you’re always left burnt out? Maybe you accomplish something, but the feeling is fleeting, like nothing ever really gets that much better?
As a former workaholic, I remember pushing through every single day to get things done and accomplish my goals. Sometimes, I would reach them and just feel like “meh…what now?” Or I felt like there was actually more to do. Most of the time, though, I didn’t reach my big goals or dreams. I fell short and beat myself up about it, thinking I needed to do more or that I needed to be better at the task at hand.
Then this led me to not setting goals anymore, because I just didn’t believe in myself, which perpetuated my negative feelings. This caused me to be lazy, apathetic and most commonly, extra-busy, so I could distract myself from these feelings. It was like I was either at one end of the spectrum or the other with no sense of confidence.
Can you relate?
What was happening was I was out of balance with my power.
I felt inherently not good enough, trapped in shame and inadequacy. The only thing I knew how to do was work hard, so I kept going back to how society trained me in the pursuit of perfection. All of my focus was on outside tasks, deadlines, obligations and activities.
If we are in constant state of pushing through, working, producing and action mode, we most likely won’t achieve our goals, and if we do, it won’t be sustainable. The reason for this is because we are only using one side of ourselves, the mind. It’s also over-using the masculine-type qualities within us that will inevitably burn us out. The focus is too much on things outside of ourselves, thinking we can control them, but the reality is we can only control ourselves.
We all have masculine and feminine qualities within each of us. They serve us when there is a balance between the two. When we are too much in our masculine, there is only doing which causes depletion. When we are only in our feminine, there is only being and nothing will get done.
The missing piece in this puzzle is being more. Being who we would be after we have reached that goal and harnessing the feminine essence within us. By exploring, nurturing ourselves, playing, processing, relaxing and rejuvenating along with all the work we are doing. This gives us the space to integrate, feel more and let our body lead the way.
The missing link is embodiment.
Embodiment to me means the infusion of our beliefs or desires in our body or actions. It’s the union of our soul and body. It is the manifestation of our curiosities and who we are at our core. It means it’s in our bones, our being and our routines. It means it’s second nature and we can access it immediately.
Goals are simply what we desire to experience in the future, so incorporating our bodies in planning for them is just as crucial as what we do with our mind to get there. Usually what we’re embodied in is what we value most. Our goals are the map to what we NEED to embody or grow in. In order for this to happen, we have to work with both the feminine and masculine aspects of ourselves.
These days, I live an embodied life by devoting myself to what’s important to me, which always produces results beyond my imagination. This means I do everything I can with what I have, consistently, in honor of my desires and my values. I allow myself to feel and rest just as much as I take action.
If you are feeling inadequate, stuck, exhausted or burned out with big ambition, here are my suggested 4 steps to becoming embodied:
1. Set your schedule.
I’m sure you don’t have an issue scheduling your tasks, but make sure to set aside time for spacious flow, relaxing, playing and just being. I find that loose structure works better than rigid rules, so make sure what you plan out is doable for you.
2. Get support.
Often, we are so blinded by our ways and perceptions about ourselves that we don’t see how far we have come or how amazing we are. We need the reflections, validation and encouragement of others to increase our confidence and see ourselves from a different perspective. Motivation often follows being simply witnessed.
3. Practice.
Use every conversation as a way to practice listening and speaking. Use every new week as an opportunity to balance out your actions with rest. Use every day to keep doing that which you desire by practicing both being and doing, especially when it’s uncomfortable.
4. Be compassionate.
The journey to embodiment isn’t necessarily an easy one. Know you are doing the best you can and that any roadblocks that pop up are only detours to your destiny. When we are able to think, speak and act with compassion and non-judgment, our vibration rises and we can access more parts of ourselves that have the answers we’re looking for. When we raise our vibration, we naturally attract the opportunities, love, support and willpower that we need.
I know if you are reading this, you’re here to do great things. Cheers to being a powerful, embodied human being.