Why my 2018 theme is important for you, too.

I feel like I opened pandora’s box of possibility. I have been in anticipation to write this since day 1 of this year. I hope you find this valuable and inspirational! 

Having a theme or main focus for the year instead of resolutions is a game changer. If you haven’t tried this yet, I highly suggest you try it this year. Instead of setting yourself up for failure (like ‘working out 3x a week', 'losing 20 lbs', 'making $100,000' or 'finding your soulmate’) you can focus your energy on what you want to feel or experience from those possible goals which could yield even bigger results and experiences than you imagined (like ‘energy’ ‘strength’ ‘prosperity’ ‘love’ or ‘intimacy’). You’re able to take action from a more empowered, grounded, exciting and clear place. If you really want to amp it up a notch, consider getting a Goddess of the year reading.

So, as I do every year, I asked myself lots of questions to figure out mine…

• What do I need more of? 
• What qualities do I need to develop within myself the most?
• What am I ready to heal? 
• What would have the biggest impact on my goals?
• What is underneath what I want to experience?
• What would feel like a gift to wrap myself in all year?

...And as January 1st came, I decided to explore the magic of nature and intended to find my theme word for the year by walking around my favorite local magic spot by the bay, a place that always inspires me on a profound level…

As I was pondering all that I want to accomplish, feel, heal and master at this point in my life, I breathed through the confusion and allowed the beautiful surroundings to guide me. I took a new route on my sacred walk, thinking “let me start by taking a new path to walk down and accept the uncertainty with enthusiasm as a metaphor for the year.” 

I thought of my desire to expand my work and service in the world with greater impact and what it means for me to be a powerful leader. I thought of the shadow qualities of the Muse goddess archetype (the goddess I am most like), avoidance, impulsiveness, scattered focus and distraction that I’m totally ready to release + transform. I thought of how my previous year's themes of courage, connection and liberation have prepared me through VERY deep and challenging work for a level of living that I have been wanting for some time now. I am always willing to go deep and do the work, but I’m ready for a little softer, more playful and exciting theme that will still help me grow exponentially. I continue to believe in the importance of ease, however, I need to truly harness responsibility to expand my reach, impact and financial capacity. I want to USE courage, connection and freedom this year somehow to learn what it means to cultivate exquisite abundance and prosperity. I want to work on true commitment and consistency so I can experience everything I desire. I must utilize my creativity and innovation in order to set myself apart in this crowded industry. I need to be in strong integrity in order to propel, connect, commit and lead. I need to develop massive discipline to make the greatest impact that I can. “But, UGH, none of that sounds FUN!” says my Muse-y self. “I can’t focus on those words, they feel like resolutions and daunting chores to overcome.” 

Just then, my whole body became warm with tingles as the element air supported me by confirming a truth in me with a gust of wind as soon as I realized PRESENCE was the precursor to all of that. 

I can’t be in integrity without being fully aware of who I am and what I want.
I can’t cultivate discipline without being EXCITED to fully show up.
I can’t innovate without putting myself in flow, from being fully connected with the needs of my tribe or without accessing the magic of the moment.
I can’t lead without being attune to my power.
I know presence pretty well, but now it’s time for me to master it.

My strategy this year is to prioritize presence.

Everything else will fall into place through supporting words and themes. AHHHHH this feels like a blessed relief and exciting endeavor.

Maybe presence can be a supporting word for your theme or perhaps a main focus. Either way, here’s why presence is important for you to tap into this year:

POWER

We all have natural abilities in these human bodies from our unique DNA and ancestral patterns, which I have done extensive research and development in. For women, it’s what I call the Feminine Power Principles. These beautiful traits that are within all of us like intuition, compassion, playfulness, flow, softness, etc can only be accessed when we are in our body. We can better discern what we need to do, think or be. We will better know if we need to take action and be productive (a masculine quality) or if we need to go inward and process something (the feminine version of productivity). Discernment, which only happens through neutral presence, allows us the ability to gain clarity on how we can make the greatest impact right now. Anxiety and depression take us out of the moment, trap us in our heads and are coping mechanisms for un-accessed truth. When we succumb to the modern society standard of overthinking, overanalyzing, trying to figure it out or relying on what we think we should do, we have no power. Our body wisdom has the best answers, and when we are truly present, we can access this.

LEADERSHIP

Consistency, integrity, innovation and presence are all qualities of a leader. We have to show up and be willing to do the hard shit first, before we can expect others to tag along. The only way to channel the courage to do that is to be present to the fact that we are willing and we believe we can. Being present in our body helps us trust ourselves and therefore take risks that are necessary to growth to make a bigger impact. We only truly know what to do, what will be best for us or others in each moment. 

BOUNDARIES

Being connected to ourselves and our desires is the only way we know WHERE to set boundaries. When we have the power and leadership abilities from our presence, we are able to be strong enough to protect and uphold what we value most. Boundaries are key for happiness and relationships of any kind. 

HEALTH

Presence helps us access our body connection, as I mentioned, so what we put into it can be controlled more easily rather than when we are in the throws of busyness or allowing ourselves to get caught up with distraction. That’s usually when we overeat, ingest toxic substances or choose to be lazy because of our exhaustion from said busyness. The simple question of “what does my body need right now?” can empower us to make profound shifts in our health from self-care to weight loss to mental clarity.

MORE MEANING

Rituals and routines are important to create deep transformation. They help us change habits and shift our mindset on so many levels and they add huge doses of meaning to the process of change. But if you’re anything like me, they have to be FUN in order to do them. I am not the type to do things just because, so presence grants us access to the magic that exists within and around us. It gives us awareness of possibility and shows us that we have everything we need in the moment and we can take one step at a time. Presence always makes us feel more grounded and authentic, and a key factor in better-overcoming something that might seem boring or challenging. Presence actually helps us do things that we’ve been avoiding. Additionally, presence adds more meaning to all relationships, so we can deepen into intimacy (platonic or romantic) and thoroughly enjoy the quality time spent.

HAPPINESS

While present, we can find more gratitude, the cultivator of happiness. In presence, we can relax into safety, even if for a moment. As I mentioned also, we can feel more grounded and authentic when we are present, quieting our inner critic and seeing more of what we like. Happiness is generated in each moment, it’s not an end result, so of course presence is a huge part of this. 

YOUR TURN! 

What is your theme for 2018? How can presence support you this year?

If you need help figuring this out or want to inquire about working with directly through coaching, EMAIL ME! 

How To Set Boundaries Like a Queen

Do you find it hard to set boundaries for yourself?
Do boundaries seem a bit elusive or even completely foreign to you?
Do you struggle with having the confidence to stand up for yourself?

We all have heard how important boundaries are, but I find that most women avoid boundaries because they think it will KEEP them from getting closer to others or it will mean they have to give up being the generous care-taker they like to be. What happens is that they sacrifice themselves for the good of the cause or someone else that may be more deserving. 

Can you relate? I sure can! I spent most of my life living as a people pleaser, over-giver and target of people taking more from me than I was comfortable with...and then wondered why I wasn't happy. I had NO boundaries at all, and in fact, I thought boundaries were mean. So, I kept getting let down, hurt, taken advantage of and frustrated. It was an unsustainable cycle of emotional destruction. 

But over the years I came to realize the ONE thing that could save me from all of this inner turmoil: boundaries! It was an interesting & challenging discovery for me and I want to share my secrets with you that will make a HUGE positive impact on your life, your confidence, your business growth, your relationships, your health and your happiness..basically ALL areas of your life!

Babes, it's time to skill up by setting boundaries!

I just hosted a free training call on this topic and I want to share that with you and include the bullet points of what I mentioned in the call. However, the call is much more lush and dynamic with live interaction so I highly suggest you make some time and listen to the whole entire thing (almost an hour and a half) because you NEED this information, darling, and I'm just sharing a quick overview here (although still helpful, I hope).

Boundaries

To set boundaries, you first have to have high self worth and know yourself really well. You must know yourself because how can you protect yourself without knowing yourself? Boundaries are helpful when they protect your most sacred parts of yourself but still allow room for connection and vulnerability. So, a big part of boundaries is remembering who we are and what we truly value so we know how to protect those best. 

Boundaries are also not demands we make out of superiority or hold blame for another person in any way. They give others a choice and a chance to connect with us, learn from us and show up in their most powerful potential. By not setting boundaries, we deny others the chance to show up in their best light. When we don't set them we allow ourselves to get taken advantage of and feel resentful, hurt, unloved, manipulated or triggered. It's also a form of avoiding ourselves and our truth when we don't set them. 

By setting boundaries, we increase our quality of life, enhance our relationships, increase our self worth, increase our confidence and feel more safe in our body and being so we can shine bigger and brighter. 

The Queen

This archetype (and I share what this means in the call) helps you find your inner authority and power to create your life authentically and set boundaries with ease. She has the essence of a grounded and gracious woman who is courageous and confident in everything she does. More about the Queen and why I love her in the call. Use this archetype to embody her essence when setting boundaries.

 

How to set boundaries like a Queen

Identify Your Needs

Again, you can't protect what you don't know you are protecting and usually when we feel negative from a situation or person it's because we are not getting a need met in some way. We usually don't know we need boundaries until they are crossed. What do you really need? (more details and specific questions to ask yourself in the video).

Manage Your Energy

When you come from a Queenlike energetic space, you will be naturally magnetic and respectful, which helps enlist the other person into your needs and creates a harmonious interaction. As soon as you lose it, get angry, start yelling, argue or try to convince someone they are wrong, you lose your power. It's then time to get back into your body and that calm energy.

Use Constructive Language

Make sure everything you say is in ownership of your actions and feelings. "i" statements are really helpful in setting boundaries that are clear and non-judgey so no one will be defensive. 

Clarify Consequences

You have to be willing to take action if someone crosses your boundary or tell them what will happen, not tell someone else to do something. What will happen if they do?

Next Steps

• Set aside time to really watch this recording, I think you will find it fascinating and truly eye-opening. At the end, I live-laser-coach one woman who needs some support around boundaries and the clarity and results that come from it are super helpful for both her and all the listeners. 
   
• Dedicate more time to dig deeper and journal on these 4 phases of boundary setting for different situations in your life, like family, business or relationships so you know where you might be falling short. Take the time to dive into this asap because boundaries are easier when set in the beginning or in preparation instead of in the moment. 
   
• Finally, see where you need support to truly harness your self worth and begin to set boundaries from an empowered, authentic and easy place. None of us can do it alone, so find and ask for the support you need to help you.

If you would like to explore ways that I can support you in this, as I help many clients become successful in moving through self doubt, being stuck, disconnected and disempowered, you can schedule a complimentary 45-minute Inspiration Session here.

I would absolutely love to able to support you one on one in this way. If you schedule time with me, we will uncover what you specifically need to focus on and how you can begin now, and of course ways for us to continue working together if it is a right fit. 

There are only a few spots left in my roster for the spring/summer, so if this feels exciting and enticing (even if it sounds scary or uncertain) I invite you to schedule your free session with me now. I believe in the power of a courageous YES, that can only be FELT in the body. Right now, I am looking for those courageous women who are ALL IN for creating their life of deep connection, success and feminine flow. 

YOUR TURN!

What was most valuable for you from this blog post or video? Please share in the comments below.

The Power of Silence

Few times in life do women actually get total approval for being any way we want to be. Where anything goes and we get a “free pass” if you will. I think of being pregnant, being an infant or young child and those with medical issues. There is total acceptance of whatever we want to say or do during those times and all guards are down. We feel taken care of with compassion and are completely free to be our true selves (no matter how unattractive, crazy or emotional we get). Nothing we do is “too much”, people adjust around us and we are seen with pure eyes. Isn’t that interesting? 

I had simply accepted this as a fact until recently. Two weeks ago I attended a spiritual feminine luxury retreat with 9 other women in Palm Springs. We were to have no technology, dive into ancient feminine teachings, conduct sacred sister circles and be initiated as a “Queen”. Archetypes like the Queen or Warrior are a huge part of spirituality. They hold the role to play when seeking to embody truth and power. Little did I know, though, that this was a half-silent retreat. That meant every night after circle we would go into silence until lunchtime the next day. 

For someone who has never done anything like this before, I was scared and shocked, which is an understatement. How were we to communicate? How will we pass the time? We were sharing rooms and bathrooms, how was this going to work? I had to put full faith in my mentor and myself to trust the process, which I have been working on in my life lately anyway. This was a powerful opportunity to put this trust into action. It was time for me to step up my spiritual game and accept whatever came up. 

As with any first time, it was a little awkward. I wanted to connect with the lovely women around me! I wanted to ask questions and laugh! I wanted to talk about what we just learned. When I was left to myself, in the actual presence of the other women, I didn’t know how to handle my emotions or feelings. I felt the energies of everyone, but was forced to be with only mine. What I realized was that I had been denying myself for so long. 

Part of being a Queen is honoring her own time, space and body. She doesn’t seek attention, acknowledgement and social activities when there are decisions to be made or deep learning to understand. She knows what she needs and never has to explain herself. She knows she holds the power for change in herself and her Queendom. With great power comes great responsibility. She sets strong, healthy boundaries.

That silence was a boundary to protect our process of everything we had just learned and felt. It kept us incredibly present and created space for the information or whatever feeling that came up to ‘land’. It allowed us to be in our bodies, not in our heads, to embody our truth we intrinsically are as women. It was permission to feel and be any way we wanted to. There was no judgement and no criticism from ourselves or the others. There was only love, acceptance, compassion and freedom. This is where we, as women, are safe to shine. 

Instead of succumbing to the belief that we only get a few chances to be completely free and authentic, I now understand that once we sit with who we are without distractions, we find our safety. In that safety, we have freedom. It is when we let our minds or outside circumstances take control that the perception of safety is absent and we aren’t able to claim our power. Our power is in our being and our body, not our doing or intellect.

When women feel safe, anything is possible. When we create our own safety through silence and space, we allow our full self to completely emerge. Our unique power is ignited and people around us will adjust to it. Just like a pregnant woman, baby or ill patient, everyone else will see us with pure eyes and compassion. They will either accept our power and be led by it or be repelled and go the other direction. Our needs are served when they are felt and honored by ourselves first. (TWEET THAT)

With that gift of silence, we were all able to see ourselves easier, to let things truly sink in and understand what it means to have power as a woman. All the logistic awkwardness worked out, too. You can still communicate in silence. Who knew?  ;)

Technology such as phones, Facebook, TV, music or apps as well as engagement with others can be a distraction from what we really need to thrive, and inevitably keep us stuck. There is a time and place for it - I’m not suggesting to go all hard-core no technology. However, l invite you to give yourself enough space and time to discern when healing and processing need to be honored. You can have this whenever you need. Trust the process. 

This concept has changed my life. I believe it has to experienced before one can fully understand it. I’ve heard about going off the grid my entire life, but not until 32 years in did I accept the challenge. Oh, and Sacred Sisterhood helped.

Have you experienced going off-the-grid? If so, I’d love to hear all about it in the comments! If not, how and when can you create some off-the-grid silence in your life? 

Silent hugs,